we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
