I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I have already put on my inside pants.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
