I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
