Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize