The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
