i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
