it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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