Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
