How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
