I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
