You smell like stripper and shame
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
