I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
