Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
