I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
