She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
