I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize