How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
