Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
