maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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