Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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