I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
