i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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