i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize