new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
