If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize