her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
ok first of all what the fuck
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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