I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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