you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
