Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
