sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
