I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
