based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize