My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
