i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
