So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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