I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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