I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
