i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
