I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
