Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
