if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
