Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
