You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
