batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
