Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
