in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
