i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
