I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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