I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
