She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
