You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
