my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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