I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
