ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
