remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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