everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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