Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
