People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
