for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
