Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize