Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
