The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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