it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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