my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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