Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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