Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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