he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
