I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
