come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
