Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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