Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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