The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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