in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
