My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
