I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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