Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
