they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
