if you like me you must not know who I am
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
wow bdsm is so cute
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize