when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
