paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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