this beer tastes like vomit already
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
