ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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