Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
