Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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