You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
