I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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