Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
