I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
