I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
