So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
