is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
