I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
