If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
