All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
