I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
