I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You can't just leave with hair like that
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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