Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
